How many of us believe that the only true love is passionate, lustful, obsessive and all-encompassing? That love without regular, mind blowing sex is dead? When I was in my twenties, I read something about my karmic astrology that said that one of my lessons in life was to strive for ‘Divine’ love and to move away from ‘Profane’ love. I was flabbergasted & insulted! The only love I knew, searched for and settled for was the kind that consumed me; made me passionate, jealous, paranoid about my appearance; and turned me into a raging monster when the relationship was threatened in any way. (Even if I was the one that was threatening it!)
Of course, those relationships burned up quickly, like a wildfire – the longest lasting 3 years. I still sniggered at the thought of ‘Divine’ love. To me it represented sterility, coldness, ‘making do’ with something unsatisfactory, perfunctory, straining for purity & holiness, without passion & fire. I’d assumed that there was only one soul-mate in anyone’s life & that if you stuffed it up – that was it, you might as well be alone for the rest of your life.
That’s what I thought would happen to me. That I’d end up a spinster, alone with my cats & books, pining for love & grieving for love lost. Then I met Robert (on the internet! Yikes!) I was in Australia & he was here in the U.S. At first we were just chatting, & of course, due to my passionate & unbridled soul, it turned into something more than just friends. We fell in love & spent many hours lusting after each other through Skype.
A year later I came to the U.S. to meet him. As soon as we saw each other at the airport we fell into each others arms. We kept staring at each other. We felt as though we had always been together & knew that ‘this was it!’ I could feel the old fire churning inside my soul & I was fearful that it would destroy what we had. After being here for 3 weeks I went home – completely consumed by the misery of being split from him.
We talked & planned & jumped through the hoops to get me back here. It took another year – but in July 2008 – I finally arrived & we married. I’d never married before – so it was a big deal to me. Then something dawned on me – yes – I was passionately in love with him, but what mattered most to me was that he liked me & that I liked him. We cuddle, talk, watch movies, laugh & carry on like a couple of teenagers – but we are actually compatible – & sex has nothing to do with it!
Of course, sex is important – but it’s not the be all & end all! I was stumped! I realize that even if we never have sex again – I will still love him dearly, will take care of him when he’s ill, will forgive his trespasses, will shrug off his occasional glance at another woman – & that the only thing that matters is his happiness. Is this ‘Divine’ love? It feels like it. I think I’ve made it! It makes sense to me now!
I also realize that in life, we have many soul-mates – some of them sexual, some of them platonic, some of them spiritual. Our soul-mates are the partners we take on, the children we connect with, the parents we adore, the old lady at the bus stop who philosophizes about life, the animals we connect with. It takes time to realize that not everything revolves around sex.
How painful, time consuming & monumentally boring it is to only strive for sex! How exciting it is to discover that life has so much more to offer. How sobering it is to understand that sex is a release & an expression of love for each other – & nothing more! How thrilling it is to discover that there are so many more fascinating things in life to explore & that we don’t have much time to fit it all in. How depressing it would be to only find this out on your death bed!